...just going through some stuff. We pulled the kids out of public school--although I am avoiding that phraseology--pulled them out, like reluctant turnips---because it sounds like there were these dear little students and the big hand reached down and snatched them away from their rightful paradise in wooden desks---LOL--but it is a wonderful thing for all of us, to be back together again.
I am giving myself permission to do some healing. In a lot of ways. I am being gentle and slow and thoughtful. I am trying to remember those times when I was pregnant when I treated myself like a sacred important giver of life, and when I ate nutritious wonderful meals, when I took long hot baths, when I wore comfortable clothes and when I was good to myself. For many women pregnancy is the ONLY time they do this, and then the moment the baby is born, that was considered to be that--and it is time to lose the weight, etc. For me, it goes from conception to the end of breastfeeding. Although its easy to forget and get swept away in the slick and hyper super wifey bullshit pretty darn quick. Baby be darned. Whole family be darned. Mama get depressed and attack everyone. (....Mama put all your kids in school.....)
We gave up a lot of our integrity as a family with the school thing. We feel weird now, strange, unsure and uncomfortable, defensive, awkward. This will pass with time and healing. I am being good to myself and winter doesnt give much of a choice, it helps to be cozy and slow and eat tons of soup when it is dark at 4:50 pm and nobody is rollerblading down the street making me feel lazy and blobular.
So we rest. And we heal. Cocoa mixed with coffee with whipped cream and shaved dark chocolate and smashed candy canes help. And the roly poly baby rolls and polls. Still no tooth, all the other kids were 4 months old, young I know...she also has not had any "food" and I dont see any reason to start messing around with that yet. she is happy and fat as a little pinky pig-a-let and I am sure no milk teeth yet is a sign that all is well being an all nursey baby apricot angel. 100% breastfed--but not by some militant stance, just see no need yet. I remember Mickey WANTED food from thr table at 5 months. His eyes followed every bite we took from his rightful place in our laps at the dinner table,and he was like reaching and grabbing for it, mouthing the air! I think he started on real mashed potatoes--butter and salt and maybe even pepper too--like humans did for eons before Gerber got us all in a tizzy measuring out little dead flakes to mix with microwaved tap water. Blech. But Eska doesnt do any of that yet.
Have cozy holidays and keep all your little ones warm and snug. Mamas in all stages of motherhood, calm down, slow down, take good care of yourselves. sorry for going so long w/out blogging, it has been overwhleming at times having all five kids home again in terms of sharing the computer and such and we are working on me not drowning in a lack of me-time.
8 comments:
You sound like you are climbing out of the fog. Good for you. Take care of yourself, Joy.
Xoxo,
MM
I am just some random person on the internet who reads your blogs, so I hope I'm not out of line in commenting on your life...
"We gave up a lot of our integrity as a family with the school thing."
From everything you've written on your Homeschool is Love blog, I'd say you've done anything but give up your integrity. It seemed like the right decision at the right time. Your reasons behind the decision were solid and well-thought-out: the kids wanted to try it, you needed to rest, everyone needed to break a routine that was not working. And you did exactly that: the kids tried school, so now when they decide they want to homeschool again, they know exactly what the pros and cons of each option are; you got a rest and are now re-enegized to be an amazing homeschool teacher again; and whatever it was about the dynamics of the previous situation that made them not work has gotten a nice shake-up. From my outsider's perspective, at least, it seems like you chose the option with the *most* integrity: not worrying about what it meant for your identity as a "homeschooling family" when you decided to put your kids in school, not worrying what the neighbors or grandparents would think when you brought them home, and making the decisions that were the best for your family.
You are an inspiration to me as a parent. I have learned so much from your blogs.
Wishing you peace this holiday season.
It's good to hear from yuo again. You've been in my thoughts. Merry Christmas to you and all of the rest of ya'll!
absolutely wonderful, joy!
much love in this season of bringing light into the darkness!
Getting ready to pull our little turnip out of public school as well. It was a good experiment and it was good for all of us but its time has passed. :)
She's ADORABLE! Yummy yum yum!
My world is topsy turvy right now...
happy to see another post. eska gets more and more beautiful. i think you raise a really good point about how women only take care of themselves when they are pregnant. i'm going to pamper and be gentle with myself today - thank you for the reminder.
xo
kim in seattle
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