Saturday, June 12, 2010


Happy Birthday, Greta! June 9th, age thirteen! You have taught me that teenagers don't have to be belligerent assholes, just medium aged souls going through hellacious hormones without much wisdom to really get it all...and yet you do. You are the kindest most patient dear human, and I love you so much!

Happy Birthday, Eskarina! June 11th, age two! You are an actual angel princess, the most precious and kind little apricot that was ever created! You take the notion of terrible twos and decimate them with one tilt of your tiny little doll face. Your eensy hand in mine, and the fact that you WANT to hold it, just melts me....I love you so much!

Happy Birthday, Mickey! June 13th, age ten! You are the funniest, most adorable, intuitive sweetheart around. You taught me that all boys aren't yucky, and you have had me wrapped around your little finger since you were born! my toddler turned into a 'dude' is truly beyond me, but bless your heart for everything you bring to this family! I love you so much!

So many birthdays, my husband included, he was June 4th, along with my sister. also June 4th! It has been a whirlwind of cake and ice cream and memories both painful and precious, joyful and bittersweet. Last year June was incredibly dark, we were so dirt poor we didn't have batteries for pictures let alone any birthday parties. My mom was dying, fast, and nothing celebratory felt right at all. This June we live out in the country on a truly lovely property, with somehow at least enough money for cakes and such, and yet of course, 2010 has brought the first true round of birthdays where Mom/"Nanny Fran" won't be telephoning. Nor my grandma/"Nanny Nel" either. We lost 1/2 of our family when we lost my mom, because her husband/my step dad hasn't been calling or visiting either. Its a new and unknown territory, this living without a mother. This is June, now. Summer and flowers and how much she loved them all, refusing sunblock and calling to tell me about how burned she got out weeding...

Happy and sad, June. Soon will be the one year anniversay and I am feeling afraid.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

crazy news, but the only sane thing, really.

I cannot WAIT for fall. Because my kids are going to school.
We found a charter Montessori school, K-8, that is free. I will enjoy my Eska and the peace of knowing someone else is helping me raise my kids. We will tell them in August.

This started as me needing the little boys to go, but really, they all do. Nothing could be worse than "this", their screaming and chaos is over the edge. But the school I found, 12 miles away, is actually very very nice. Child centered, wholistic, brand new, and very very kind in its approach. And if they dont like it, well, ....sorry.

Counting the days. Hope its one of those ones that starts in August, just being honest!
Greta's going in 7th
Mickey's going in 4th
Casey's going in 1st
Charlie's going in Kindergarten. We got him potty trained about 2 weeks ago. Yippee!

And Eska and I...well we might just die from peace and love and nursing and mommy and baby love :)