Monday, January 25, 2010

Our New House

So we have moved. Finally. Away from the teeny tiny experimental house that alas, turned out to be somewhat from hell. One small living space, about the size of an area rug. Thats all we had for a home. Blech. Lots of bad memories and cluttery stress.

So now we live in what we of course truly hope and plan to be a long time home. It is 1600 square feet of 1925 bungalow-y goodness. About 2 miles north enough to feel kinda country-ish, but of course surrounded by loads of McMansions and silly subdivisions with silly names that bely their guilt at destroying natural beauty for the sake of taupey snore-ville. Walnut Creek, Glen Meadows, Forest View---BWA HA HA I loathe that shit. But whatever. We have a large property, maybe 2 acres? and we have a gravel circular driveway, a dining room, a living room AND family room (woo hoo!) hardwood floors, and very importantly, a HUGE Oak tree. Some evergreens, a cottonwood, and what appear to be a few maples and apple/crabapples. (Its January, Im just giving it my best guess). The kitchen window where I stand and do endless dishes (no dishwasher! for real! gulp!) has three windows that stare out onto the wonderful backyard--in which we saw a fox our first day here. We have 2 deer x-ing signs on our street, and we are across the street from a nature center. I love it here! The kids and husband are already seeming more calm and peaceable, even with living out of boxes and bags somewhat.

Its really kind of like a dream, we like this place so much. And whats crazy is that it is so nondescript on the outisde (ugly even, if not certainly boring) that the first time I set up the appointment to come see the place, I truly almost drove off. But obviously, I did not, and the inside is really lovely. The whole thing is cozy and nice--especially with my immediate settingup of lots of little low wattage lamps everywhere. No overhead lighting for me, thank you very much, unless I am in some tanning booth or surgery, I detest white-bright-overhead lights. Blech.

I cannot wait until spring in this place. I think I might finally be ready to do some lady-stuff like plant a garden. I have a very black thumb and not the biggest desire to do alot of yardwork. But mostly its the knowledge that the gardening could be awesome and zen like but it will be interrupted or impossible due to the multiple children that has kept me away. Then the guilt and stress of the "other mommies" whose children garden with them, gentle little cherubic hands covered in rich black earth, in contrast to my few attempts to even re-pot some marigolds with them turning into a tear filled brat fest, and well, I have been reticent. But maybe this year, this house, could bring me to planting a few things and seeing what comes of it. I can certainly sprinkle out some wildflower mix, right?

Well, off to check the mailbox-- you have to walk way out front to get it--too exciting and novel for this city girl, lemme tell ya! Talk to you soon,

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Time for pine green?

My hair is /was bright red and it is fading and there are roots (with grays! lots of them! are you f-ing kidding me? If you ever think I will embrace that shit at 34 you are KRAYZEE) and its time. Time for a change. You may recall my days of cobalt blaring blue and the days of neon grass green. But grass green gives me some memories of a very freaky time and Greta is now the proud owner of bright blue hair and so I have deliberated and went and bought Special Effect's Sonic Green last night. I will bleach this grey red birds nest out, it will turn bright yellow, I will apply Sonic Green, it will be gorgeous.

I hope!?!?!

cabin fever is a state of mind

So, its cold and we live in a tiny house and my kids are messy and I am lazy and we are cozy and nursey and legos and puzzles and cords and wires and memory cards and disks and poker chips and dice and washcloths of all kinds are everywhere and there are 2 cats and a toddler and no basement and no upstairs and no laundry room so we do the wash in the kitchen and have nowhere to put it and they spill all day everyday and we throw a towel on the spill and then the baby takes the towel away chewing on it and we are happy.

For real. I know it is only January but I dont think we are going to "go nuts" this winter. I SERIOUSLY cannot imagine getting anyone up and out of here ANY morning, let alone 5 mornings. Nope. We are in our cozy nest. My kids are pink and smooshy-snuggly in their quilts, and they wander out and into my arms when they have had enough sleep. I often co sleep with Eska AND Charlie, both nursing off and on lazily, little warm paws on my belly, tucked under my arms, whatever. We keep the blankets on. We eat waffles and coffee with candy canes melted inside. We make nachos piled high and chili with smashed up Boca burgers and celery and corn in it. We drink throwback Pepsi with no corn syrup and we have blankets EVERYWHERE. We snuggle and read and do playdoh and so what if 90% of it gets sucked up in the vacuum hose later? The dishwasher hums and the laundry rumbles and the heater roars and I dont want to go anywhere in this cold!

We take a few kids on errands, and that is fun. Greta, Mickey and Steve actually like to go grocery shopping, so they do that. I take a couple kids to Starbucks or the bookstore sometimes, and yeah we have played in the one inch of crunchy bad snow a couple times. But mostly, we are inside and grateful. I am not obsessed with spring and its muddy tricks and viruses. Summer will be awesome, but spring in Michigan is pretty much a week in May. Maybe Ill change my tune in a few weeks but for now? Its all pretty decent.

Mommy's new drug

I suck so bad, I am SO sorry I haven't blogged!

Anyways, where did I leave ya hanging? Oh yes--coo-coo psycho Mom and her meds or therapists or whatnot. Well, I took the easy way out--some losers might say--and got on a nice little pill called Effexor. 75mg, twice a day, if you must know.

at first, I felt shaky, nauseous, and like I told anyone who would listen, as if my very blood was menthol. Seriously, it wasn't a chill so much as a refreshing, albeit artificial, sense of freshness and new-ness. I felt like I had gotten a blood transfusion, and I felt a distinct lack of ANXIETY. Perfectly fine by me, as it so happens, gripping onto your own arms and pacing in the kitchen is completely scary for your children to witness and does not do wonders for the household vibes, the skin, or anything whatsoever.

So, there was me, kind of dizzy, with my minty blood (I swear to you I could feel every vein's whereabouts in my body--there is a very long one that goes from the backs of your arms down and around to your pinkie) and my lack of anxiety, kind of not hungry but needing to nibble on food so as not to puke and it was very weird.

Then I realized that I was no longer afraid to watch certain movies/tv shows, nor was I ruining almost every evening with Steve by covering my eyes and yelling TURN IT OFF! to almost everything we tried to watch. (Before this medicine, I couldn't bear the stress of watching anything beyond a nature show --if there was no killing--or maybe a home makeover show--if there was no surprise factor) I also couldn't bear to watch any tv or movie that contained (or threatened to contain:

Socially awkward situations (Borat would be an extreme example)
Cruel Comedy
and of course, anything just flat out "chick-flick" fare like "My Mom has cancer" or "My baby died" or "My marriage fell apart" or "My sister hates me now" or "My best friend betrayed me"

So, all of a sudden, Im miss fun wife, watching Comedians and Snoop Dogg and stuff involving Seth Rogan. All of a sudden, like in week 3, I am just CLOSER to "myself". I am open and available to my children, my husband, reality. Hiding under a quilt literally and figuratively no longer seems desirable. Honest communication doesn't top my list of dreads anymore. I am no longer the walking manifestation of Fear anymore.

Cool! I am also now, in maybe week 5? not feeling mentholated blood or dizzyness. My appetite is pretty normal although I am losing a little weight from not eating so much comfort-carbs, and my sleep, when the babies let me, is really fun! I have these amazing dreams where I am so sexy fun and cool, and the feeling lasts all morning. I don't know who I think I am in these dreams, but I jet set and I rock and roll and I get into adventures with interesting people and its quite fun!

The downsides to effexor, for me, right now, are minimal. I know full well that it is one that can be a horrible nightmare to stop taking, but as I do not plan to anytime soon, that is okay. One time I missed my dose by several hours and I felt myself getting very bitchy and edgy, and that was about it. Also, one time I tried to have a mom breakfast of a cup of coffee or three and I really did almost puke. I had to jam down a sandwhich and then I was fine.

There can be sexual side effects and without getting too grody or graphic, I have noticed that it can take a bit more effort to get into it but overall sex is still lovely fantasmic ding ding ding hooray! Ok I struggled with that sentence for like 5 minutes so Im leaving it as is : )

So that is it for the meds. I am not going to a shrink at this time.