Monday, September 14, 2009


Today was supposed to be the first day of Casey and Charlie's little school. But they woke up around 4 am coughing and snuffling, Casey asking me if he had "The Croups" (no! ). I couldnt send them like that, although the bark was worse than the actual "cold", plus the handouts said no sick kids no fevers, no coughs, etc.

Darn. I hope they can attend next Monday. I hardly slept at all last night, all anxious about it.

So, all five kids have a cold, and we are laying low. Seems a bit early for this stuff, but hey. I was happy to rest today, to be perfectly honest.

I will be the first to admit that I am using Facebook all the time and it makes me think I have blogged. It is lazy and easy and quippy and reaches lots of casual pals whom I would not direct to this blog necessarily. This blog means the WORLD to me and yet I am in a space where I dont have the "fire" about the stuff that I used to. At least not now. Im not all jazzed up about homebirth, I am just sad about stuff like that. Im not all ferociously passionate about homeschooling or able to post any cool links, but eternally grateful for this blessing that homeschooling is and the people my children are free to become. I nurse constantly but feel no desire to protest or rally or do anything militantly Lactivist. Maybe its the anti depressants, making me a safe and neutral blob... or maybe it is my brain protecting me from utter anihilation. Not today. No 24 hour crying jag today. Maybe next time. Some other time.

I am proud of all you birth bloggers and hope that my passions were not cauterized when I got my tubes tied. I actually had that thought when I was laid out on the operating table. I DO care about all that stuff, I just don't have much to say right now.

Hmmm what else is up? My hair is getting really long and I have cut fun little betty-bangs. I still hope to have it way way long and beautiful cobalt blue again and keep it that way. Probably by spring?

The curling club doesnt want/need me back for the bartending position I foolishly assumed was mine for the taking this season. I am really sad about that, but plan to kind of hang around there a little bit so I can weasel my way back into their consciousness? Greta is old enough to do junior curling, but she doesnt like sports very much. We shall see.

Talk to you all soon,


Kelley said...

I'm glad we were able to talk yesterday. I'm having a hard time talking about anything besides homeschooling on my blog, and now that it's private I feel like I'm talking to myself. That's why I started the newer public one. Anyway.

When did Greta get the cool pink hair? I LOVE that picture of her. She looks so grown-up and beautiful and sweet.

Rixa said...

You know, it's okay to go through these seasons...I think sometimes our brains need to have fall & winter for a while. I even have times when I just feel like not blogging--but I have some serious pressure to keep doing so--and think I've said everything there is to say and wonder if it's doing any good anyway and am I just preaching to the choir and really what good is that? etc...

I vote for the blue hair! That's still the dominant image I have of you in my mind.

I have a FB account but only login every 1-2 months. I have a hard enough time keeping on top of all my blogs & emails; no time for Facebook.

Becca said...


Still reading and still loving your blog. The fire may blaze or dim, but you still shine light wherever you go.

Michelle said...

I don't have to tell you that, as a Midwife, my own "fire" for birth has long faded. I think some of it happens quite naturally as we grow "older" in our mothering, to be perfectly honest. It's also part of having had other painful and difficult things happen that eclipse some of my old ideas about how "important" birth is. When I scan the planet, and look at all the ways, good and bad, that women "give birth" around the world and when I finally had to accept that for many women, childbirth is not the be all/end all of their existence--really isn't, not just that they don't "get" something--and that they're fine, even marvelous mothers and parents and their kids are terrific and healthy; it creates a different balance.

I love home birth. I think it's the lovliest way to have a baby for a woman and family. But it isn't everything. It isn't even that critical to anything. I had homebirths. I had 2 c sections and 2 babies that died and 2 earlier miscarriages and I have a kid with a disability and I have healthy kids and I've homeschooled and attended births through it all goes on. None of it is "me". I'm not my circumstances, or my "labels". I'm a whole person even if I'm no longer working as a Midwife. And if I am attending someone's birth in that role; it doesn't confer anything special upon me except that I chose to work with this woman and this family at this time.

Joy, I just think you're learning that being a "self" isn't about what we attach ourselves to. We don't have to be "activist" about how we live our lives or feel that we are "nobody" if we don't have a label or a schtick to hang out there. You can be just "Joy" and that's enough.
We all grow up in some kind of dysfunction that demands that we create our identity around convenient labels. Sometimes, even in our various rebellions, we still look for something to hang ourselves on, or something to hang on us! We're already convinced that we are "nobody". I think that what happens when the "fire goes out" is often nothing more than a maturing process that frees us from having to take a stand so that we can "be" someone in a culture that is so noisy and crazy and loud and obnoxious that just "being me" seems to run the risk of getting entirely lost in the crowd, if not buried altogether. It's all just what it should be; rest easy!