Tuesday, October 16, 2007

buried alive

I am so angry about the way that I was abandoned after both of my c-sections, I scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream scream and I scream.

5 comments:

Kelley said...

I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to take that pain away and leave you whole and happy. Birth has such a powerful effect on our lives, but why are people not willing to see that? Why do they blame other things besides the birth for their PPD, their low self-esteem, etc. I feel that it is connected because I experienced it. My first birth went terribly, even though it was at home. More interventions happened then than at any of my other births. I had PPD for months afterwards. On the same note, the birth of my second son was in the hospital and was almost sterile in emotion. It took me years - Yes, years! - to emotionally connect with him. I still struggle with it occasionally, and he is 5! The only birth that went completely on my terms and I have only positive lasting effects from was my last. Isn't it interesting that that son is my easiest son, and the one that I was so elated after the birth from that I literally bounced up immediately and got back to normal.

Birth matters! It's not just about getting a healthy child in the end. That's a load of hogwash fed to us by doctors who want our money for all the procedures they encourage. Birth matters. It makes a difference in the coming years. It makes a difference in a woman's psyche. It matters!

I feel for you, Joy. You know this, and your pain is obvious. I hear you.

Housefairy said...

Everything you said here meant the world to me, and you are so spot-on when you say Birth Matters. Exclamation Point!!!!!!

I'm trying to just name what it is that I feel and see and know and put it out there and then see how I feel afterwards, you know? Being all bottled up and resentful and just all negative and vicitm-ish was what I wasted my 20's on. Im 32 years old and wanna be real and whole and not just sometimes and not just for company.

Didnt expect any comments on this one, love that you left me one.

:)

Angi said...

I am so very sorry for all the pain that is so evident here. Wish I could give you a good hug! It makes me sad that it was so traumatizing!

Kelley said...

"I wanna be real and whole and not just sometimes and not just for company."

This is big, and it is a good goal. It makes me so sad that you have had to experience this. Perhaps, though, there was some good that came out of it. Bear with me now; I've just finished reading "Pollyanna" with my husband. Do you think there is anything in this situation that you can be glad about? Do you think there could be a silver lining in this storm cloud? I'm not trying to be insensitive. Far from it. Perhaps there is a reason you went through all of this. What could it be?

I hope this is coming across like I'm intending it to. :)

Leigh said...

I am screaming with you.
xoxo