Monday, August 24, 2009

Its not that I have nothing to say...

...I just truly cannot seem to make the time for it lately. So much has transpired this summer, with the biggest things being my depression and getting on medications, and the death of my mother. We decided to "start summer" on August 4th, the day after her memorial service. That was her birthday and also Casey's...I didnt even make a happy birthday post to my sweet home born baby! Ack! HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRECIOUS CASEY ANGEL!

The memorial service was just supposed to be a little something me and my sister threw together at our step dad's home. It turned into a huge huge poorly planned crowd, and her and I had 8 children of our own to deal with, with seemingly no one to greet, help mingle, even get the door! I remember a sweaty, stressful house party with no cohesion, no point. I felt helpless to gather anyone to even come look at the candles and photos we set out of my mom, but people did look. I wanted to have a time where we spoke about mom, I bought an expensive journal for people to write in...I just dont know. My husband had to work so he wasn't there, and so I had to do it all while carrying Eska on my hip (fancy house, glass, stairs everywhere)almost continually from 3pm until 930 pm. I had elbow and hand problems for 2 weeks afterwards. I forgot the playpen, the babygate didnt fit their stairs, it was hot....

I hope people got something out of it. I felt horrible the next day, just in a haze of sadness and exhaustion. But we decided to start summer and we have. We bought a pool, 15 feet across by 42 inches deep from Target, mega clearance due to it being mid August,and it is great. The kids love it, Charlie stands next to it on a step stool and squirts us, he will come in but only on my lap on a raft, it is over his head and he is scared. We have done Homeschool Park Day a few times recently, we went to a friend's beach birthday, and we are trying to plan camping. I am not ready for homeschool, not even in the slightest. The only thing I have done to "prepare" is put some great bumper stickers on our van!

We are in a co-op that starts in 3 weeks. It meets on Fridays and I am teaching a class for which I have prepared nothing. Not only do I work well under time pressure, I am kind of only able to do so! The class is called Circle Time/Show and Tell and it is for kids 3 to 6. I am going to do some songs and games, just happy little nursery kind of stuff. Maybe some silk play-scarves, hot potato, whatever. I know it will go well, I used to throw ELABORATE birthday parties and the kids would just play and play with me and before I knew it like 3 hours would have passed, so this 50 minute class twice a month--Im not sweating it. Perhaps I am insane or overly confident but I think it will be fine.

Charlie and Casey are going to go on just Mondays to a home day-school. It is run by a sweet sweet lady who follows Waldorf principles and seems to be a very gentle spirit and I joke that either it will be verrrry good for them or they will get expelled! LOL. It is from 830 am till 1 pm.

Casey is doing AMAZING on his medication. He takes a tiny little 18 mg pill called Concerta and he is polite, funny, articulate, patient, reasonable, talkative, insightful, inquisitive, focused, considerate, kind, communicative, and totally awesome for about 10 hours, and then he falls on the floor and breakdances and makes barking noises and whines and kicks and seems out of control, confused, rude, and possessed. (This is when the pill apparently wears off!) He is back to his old self, but it seems "Worse". Perhaps in direct contrast to how he acted all day, or maybe being off the pill is worse than never taking it. We are happy with this pill and I feel like I am building a true deep relationship with my son that I was never able to in 6 years. Perhaps the barking and kicking and backflips had something to do with it?

Not everyone knows this, but we got THIS close to moving to a big house. As in, we were ready to sign the lease, write the check, and a flukey series of events happened and we had a *big talk* and we have decided to stay and make this work. We love our tiny house, we love our town, we need to lay down roots and settle in, and yeah, sharing one toilet sucks, but only a few times a week do esit seem like we all need to "go" at once. I feel good like we are doing the right thing, and we are working hard to come up with "Solutions" to help it be more liveable in here. I am proud, a little disappointed, alot hopeful, and very impressed with my husband's attitude about alot of things. We have a small sunroom thing on the side of our garage and now might be the time to seriously fix it up for play space.

Yesterday was our 13 year wedding anniversary! Very cool. We didnt do anything special but hope to tonight, maybe have a little "date" on the couch. I dunno. Our house is all taken apart for the house-reconfiguration, I am kind of sick to my stomach from antibiotics from an infected tooth, and the romance just wasnt happening yesterday.

So, lots going on and nothing profound to preach. As soon as I get in the homeschool mindset I will let you all know! Enjoy summer!


Corin said...

Sorry to hear things didn't go well for your mothers memorial. Ugh, such a stressful time. I can't imagine having to pull that all together. I'm sure everyon eunderstood.

I'm really interested in learning more about co-op. I'm going to be homeschooling Dakota and am so green on the entire subject! I think I'll be looking to a lot in the next few years!

Rini said...

Off the medicine is definitely (in my experience) worse than without the medicine. I'm thrilled to hear that it is keeping up with him through the day, though!

I wonder if there is an option to spread it out more. My step-son (who doesn't have Casey's struggles and IMO shouldn't be on meds at all, but that's a different story) was put on a two-pill regime (one pill at breakfast, one at lunch) to try to extend the medicated time before those after-effects.

Just something to ask about.

Kelley said...

Josh falls apart at night, too. It seems to coincide with him coming off the meds, and thankfully it's right at bedtime. Have you noticed Casey eating less and/or not sleeping as well? We have definitely noticed this with Josh, and have gone back to the original dose because of it. We haven't told the doc yet, but we've got an appointment in a couple months so I'll do it then.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear that you are doing well. Don't worry about not doing homeschool yet. After all, what is homeschool if not totally flexible for a family's needs?

I'm sooo glad I'm homeschooling Matt this year. He has horrible headaches on such a regular basis that I'm sure school would be torture for him right now. I'm calling the doctor tomorrow to make an appointment for him, poor kid.

We need to talk again soon.... in all that free time that you and I have. ;)

Michelle said...

You're a champ! I know that things have been really challenging but every time we've gotten together, you just have a "lightness" about you that I haven't seen since our meeting during your pregnancy with Casey now going on 7 ( yikes! ) years ago! You are precious and dear to me and I'm so proud of all you've accomplished! Casey's birth was an amazing experience for me as a Midwife, and for you as a mother; you have every right to be proud of that time and of yourself, your husband and family, and darling Casey!