Take a pregnant woman and randomly jam a pitocin line into her arm. She is here today for failing to birth before it is the time for the baby to be born.
Strap her down
poke her skin
repoke her skin and muscle.
Stab her and say sorry hun you got bad veins. Everything about her veins, in fact, reveal failure.
No, she cannot have food or drink. Remind her that she is in fact, here for failure, and failure is not rewarded with goodies. Besides, she could choke or aspirate, and be a failure at not throwing up only bile later tonight, as is preferred.
Flip her upside down and dig around in her pussy and tell her she is most certainly failing so far.
Dig harder, higher, rougher to ascertain that yes, she is still failing.
Stick a crochet hook inside of her body, up past her cervix and snag and rip the very sphere of protective fluid that encases her baby. Break it. Stare at it. Wipe at it in a manner that will ensure she knows that she is a bad girl for making a pissy mess. Note the color of the naughty piss outloud, twice.
Dig around in her pussy and tell her and the doctor and her attending support team that she and her cervix, as of yet, are still failing.
Force the mouth of her womb viscerally open, to encourage violent reaction. Show disdain when it occurs. Send for the silver tray man and the angry helper. She is clearly failing at not scaring the other patients with her screams.
Force her to lean forward, forward hun, that is not forward, reprimand her to curl her back, curl forward. Puncture spinal chord. Legs twitch. Naughty. Failure to motionlessly accept puncture wound to the spine while being silent during chemically induced uterine contractions.
Flip her back upside down and re strap.
Dig around in her pussy to ascertain and announce current failure levels.
Cram rubber tube up her pee hole before anesthesia takes place. Failure to relax and open yer legs wider, hun, just let them fall apart is noted.
Remind her that moving around will only make her velcros fall off and that she is indeed failing to care about the velcros and the plastic disks at this time.
Dig up into her pussy with fistfull of metal, past her cervix, into the baby's SKULL ITSELF, and screw an implant into the SKULL of the baby. Mom failed to care enough about being still for the plastic disks and so we have to have a read-out of the babys heartbeat. Use of regular doppler or fetoscope to the tummy somehow is not appropriate, as it would require human care and not machine monitering.
Baby is failing to enjoy his SKULL IMPLANT and his heartrate is up.
Mom is failing to enjoy her multiple massive puncture wounds and urethra, vagina, arm veins, hand veins and spinal chord being intubated, and her heartrate is failing to behave.
Her body temp and b/p are failing to behave.
Her mood is failing to behave.
Her white blood cells are failing to behave.
Her blood sugar is failing to not crash.
Her tears are failing to not cascade.
She is failing to be out of pain and failing to be quiet.
Administer a little something to take the edge off.
Mom is failing to not vomit spasmodically.
Moms catheter is failing to stay in during the vomiting.
Administer a little something to stop all that failure to react appropriately to the narcotics.
Mom is failing to be able to cope with this world and appears to be falling asleep. what she is really doing, which is dying, a true spiritual death. Shutting down. too much trauma. Passing out.
Dig into her pussy and scream at her that itistime hun itis time hun, noting her failure to get what you are saying.
Scream at her to push way down in yer bottom, hun. Way down in yer bottom.
Failure to push way down in her bottom is noted.
Reprimand and threaten.
A few things you might want to say are "doncha wanna see yer baby, hun" and "Yer gonna have to gimme alot more than that if you wanna see yer baby".
Another helpful phrase is "You gotta gimme a couple real good ones, hun, otherwise I dont know if your gonna be able to do this natcher-ull or not
(Remember, nothing by mouth. Very important.)
Failure to birth natcher-ull-blue-gown, hat and shoe-covers must be distributed at this time to all members of the room.
Pull up bars of the miniature slab-bed to ensure the safest ride down the hall.