So, I am really pregnant-- We heard the heartbeat Tuesday night on the doppler, ("dangerous" waves be damned! I begged for that thing and it the sound I heard made my face crack in half from smiling) 140 bpms, hip hip hooray! theres a person in my belly! W E I R D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It never ceases to seem rediculous until the babies are rocking and rolling and kicking madly. Then it still seems ridiculous but much more believable. Is it just me?
So, yes, Tuesday night my dear midwife came over for our prenatal 3 hour hang out/cookie chowing laughing and story swapping fest. It was great. She brought me a pregnancy journal, something I never did or had before, and she took my blood pressure ,(nice and low) pulse, measured my fundus (right on track or a little above, my typical pattern with the other babies) and then as she was saying we could try to get some heartones with the fetoscope I was like bust out the doppler please! And so we got to hear the Shwoo Shwoo Shwoo Shwoo--does anyone ever get tired or blase hearing that sound? Chills upon chills upon pride.
I told her I am quite sure I am anemic and I am awaiting results from my blood work I am getting through my family doctor. I wanted a work-up of labs and we both agreed it would be good to see where Im at, especially since my hemoglobin was 4.8 after I had Charlie and I never got back in to see the doctor to "follow up" (whoops 25 months later). But I am feeling anemic and have the symptoms, too. I am going to start a pill form of Floradix+Iron, which sounds much better than the liquid greens which I might hork back up ;)
What else can I tell you all? I dont know. I am feeling bushed and weary and wary from all of the stuff that has been going on on my midwife's blog, and feel like I dont really want to talk about birth per se today. I never meant to get so polarized about UC and such because there is no way to please everyone and to not insult people and I dont have the energy for it right now. I dont know if it is the presumed anemia or the long hours at work, but I feel like I am barely "here" mentally and just cant seem to pump out the sharp and clear words that I think I used to.
Soon I hope.
I also might get a bottle of Motherwort in the house. I have been unstable to put it nicely. I am dreading Christmas because I am going to cry for everything both happy and stressful and I feel pretty certain that there are going to be alot of visits with alot of people who will be putting me and my family under the extra-strength microscope (not only homeschoolers, but Good Lordie, pregnant again!) at a time when I can barely picture just getting us all dressed and into the car, let alone being some beacon or representation of the perfectly adjusted whatever family. Caseys gonna be sassy, Mickeys gonna be eye-rolly and sighing, Gretas gonna be edgey and snappish, Charlies gonna want to nurse, and I feel like everyone is gonna take one look at my sweaty, acne encrusted whitish grey face and think "those poor freaks I feel so sorry for them/they suck/theyre horrible" and there isnt anything I can do about it and it is paralyzing me with amotivational syndrome, a.k.a. laying on the couch with quilts and cocoa and TiVo'ed Rudolph and Frosty and Grinch all day and night. I hope Im wrong, but no matter what, I am too tired to do anything about it! Paranoia. Its the pits. You never know if its real or not.
I would like to end on a different note so I will just say that I really do believe that a true little dear baby is inside of me now and really, who could ever be sad about anything knowing that?
Love you all,