Monday, May 19, 2008

A blog can have mood swings, too, right? : )

I cant believe how much I have been griping lately! I guess when I am feeling good, I dont go sit at the computer, I take care of my house and kids. So you all get to only read the bad stuff...whoops.

Well, I had a ton of fun at that birthday party. It was a BEAUTIFUL day, and I didnt get why the people were shivering and even wearing coats until I heard on the way home that it was 54 degrees! HAHHAA! I thought it was about 70!

My precious niece turned 2 and she is about as cute as a human can be, like a little doll. All the cousins played and had fun, it was at a gorgeous park with a river and there were geese and ducks and swans and the kids fed them bread and cupcakes and chips( poor birds! hope they are ok!) and it turned into a petting zoo practically. So so fun.

My pubic bone pain is the same at a party as it is at home or at walMart so hey at least we all had fun. I think 54 degrees is my new favorite temperature! It was sunny and super windy and I did not feel like I was going to puke or faint or yell at anyone whatsoever. amazing. Poor Birthday girl was shivering in her dress but Auntie Joy was not evil, so it was a success, haha

I felt different last night and today. I would not say the baby has "dropped", because there are still hard baby parts way high up in my actual sternum but the feelings down low are different. I feel literally ready to pop but for some reason my attitude is different. I have contractions all the time, even "real" ones that hurt my back, but I just feel excited and in some kind of "home stretch" now. I was SO cool when I was pregnant with Charlie, I was all into "enjoying this last baby" HAHAHAHAHHA and I really didnt complain too much. Maybe my friends will disagree, but I didnt get like, depressed-complainy. I was trying to savor it all, and even went to nearly 42 weeks. This time is different--maybe I wasted all my cheer working as a bartender until midnight for the forst 6 months, but I have been VERY upset and sad about how painful this pregnancy has been physically.

I have another super happy announcement, my sister is giving me a baby shower!!!! It is next weekend and the people are supposed to be bringing different sizes of diapers and a frozen food item like pizza or lasgana! But the most incredible thing is that we are going to get real, assigned help for my hospital stay and afterwards. As in, I wont be alone. As in, my kids will be taken care of. As in, I will be able to experience......I cant even put it into words.......but some normalcy, some peace, and the overwhelming burden of stress that has plagued me and my husband around our births may just be gone, or lessened a great deal and I cannot even tell you how that is going to feel. Indescribable?!

I hate to jinx anything, but if this goes well, I will never be the same. the thought of just being a normal person who has her husband there and who gets to focus on nursing the baby and resting a little blows me away. there is nothing I want more in this world. I will let you know how the shower and sign up thing goes for sure!!!!!!

Happy Day

12 comments:

Judit said...

I am near tears of joy for you about having help on the way. That is so wonderful, so needed and indeed so well deserved. Here's a sigh of relief for you Joy!!!!

CNH said...

It's called a "babymoon" mama, and you deserve one for sure. I'm so excited for you to be able to just lay your booty in bed for a couple weeks and rest, recoup, bond, and HEAL! YAYYY!!!!

Now, could you hop on over to my blog and tell me how to prepare for a c-section? Cause Ben's not looking like he's going to move his FEET out of my pelvis in the next week! ARG!~

Joy said...

I have never had help after we had a baby, ever. I am now figuring out that most if not nearly ALL of my "upset" surrounding births, cesareans especially, has been due to the total abandonment and dangerous alone-ness I have been faced with. Scary scary times.

Anyhow, I am so freaking excited to get some plans underway and to finally not be the only person I have ever heard of or met or seen on TV that is just rotting alone in the hospital and then alone at home all day. Ok i am getting too upset remembering it all but YAY I am hopeful.

Ok off to go see whats up with you dear CNH on your blog!!!!

Kneelingwoman said...

Joy-I'm really glad this is happening for you; it's an answer to a prayer, truly ( yours as well as mine ). I hope you end up with MORE help than you need; the kind that becomes annoying as the now-so-easy-and-enjoyable postpartum days roll by. I hope you get to have the satisfaction of getting mad at someone for rearranging your kitchen cupboards! Good luck!

Jennifer said...

I have been watning to comment on your last few posts, but have been so busy! So here I am still in my PJ's, with whitening strips on my teeth at 2:30 in the afternoon! My oldest DD has been playing "breakfast" with 3 apples, moving them back and forth, all over the house. My youngest is playing with my good $18 lotion that I got for Mother's Day. And I'm not pregnant. Hee hee...I have to get into the shower by 4:30so my DH doesn't realize what really goes on when he is at work.

OK...I think that you are a very good mother to your children that is worried and anxious about what is going to happen to her brrod when she is layed up from delivery. I think in your previous post you worried that your kids will think you are Satan--believe me they won't. My mom was sick for awhile when I was 4 or 5 and she didn't have anyone to help her. She talks about it like she just let us run around naked and hungry, she feels so guilty, but it wasn't bad at all. The only thing I remember is that I got to eat Lucky Charms for dinner for a few days and got to watch a lot of cool TV (The Sonny and Cher show!!! YEY!!).

I have such a hard time during pregnancy. You are the only one that I have heard of that gets the same things as me; pelvic pain (I felt like I had a steel rod driven through my hips), restless leg syndrome, Hyperemisis, bloating, fatigue, constipation, hearburn,sooo much painful stuff that it is almost making me tear up to remember. Once I dropped something on the ground and I cried because I couldn't bear the pain of trying to pick it up.

Wanna talk about mood swings? I have never told anyone this, and I still feel really bad about it, but with my first baby I was soooo nauseas and sick that the smell of our dog made me lose it. I could barely take him out, we lived in Arizona at the time and it was over 100 degrees. My husband travelled for work at the time and I was alone, and stuck with this STINKY dog named Bart that I had rescued from shelter 6 months prior. I demanded that my husband come home and take care of the dog--ot I was going to give him away. Mind you I all but made out with this furry little guy before getting pregnant. When my husband came home, I basically told him it was me or the dog. My husband liked the dog so much, and I was so psycho--neither of us knew what had happened to the "Me" that we knew. Well, at any rate, I badgered DH so much that he cried. Oh I feel soooo bad about this. And the thing was? I thought he was weak at the time for crying about a "dog". I feel like such a jerk for this. Six years later we still have the dog, and I have come to realize that when I am pregnant I really can't stand animals. They just seem really gross to me. I have never met anyone like me. Now, I love Bart and I hope he forgives me (my husband did).

So yes, a Blog can have mood swings, and should. I love your blogs because of your candor. Motherhood and pregnancy is really hard at times, and the reason I read other women's blogs is to network and get good ideas and support. That doens't happen when we only write about the good mommy stuff.

I have to confess one more thing--and I know that I would get cyber tomatoes thrown my way on the MDC boards--when my oldest DD was 11 months old I had to train for my work at home job. It meant that I was going to be gone for 8 saturdays, 10-12 hours each. I couldn't express my milk, DD wouldn't take a bottle, but she would take a straw cup. But she would only drink--Chocolate Milk. I couldn't leave her with my husband without anything to drink, so we supplemented her with chocolate milk and to this day at 3.5 yrs old, she still will only drink chocolate milk. Or juice or *pop* cringe, cringe... But you know what, I'm not perfect I just do what works for us, whatever that may be.

So, be easy on yourself. You are doing a fine job! And before you know it, Mama Joy will be back making pancakes and happily nursing. And your kids won't even know that anything was wrong!!

Kelley said...

Joy, I am delighted for you. I am so happy that you will be getting the help you so need. Yay for you!

We are seriously in the home stretch now, and suddenly I'm hoping that I stay pregnant for a while. Maybe it's because those first few weeks are SO hard and she is so easy (relatively) to take care of right now. Do you kinda feel the same way?

Don't worry about the mood swings. Sometimes I, too, wonder if my children will be scarred for life from this experience. I can be so awful sometimes. But in my defense, SO CAN THEY!

Joy said...

Jennifer! LOLOLOL
I HATE anumals and pets whenI am pregnant. The smell, the idea of "teeny tiny thing that is fragile and might die" is a bit too much. My kids like these little newts and frogs and rodents and I canot deal with it!!!!!!!!! Then they tell thweir friends that "my mom doesnt like pets" which sounds SO horrible!

We had a dear dear little kittens about 5 years ago and once I got pregnant if they ever ever walked on me or if the litter box smelled whatsoever, I would call my husand AT WORK, SCREAMING and CRYING about "this is so fricking nasty! I cant live this way"!

Its funny now but wow I am sure he was scared.

Greta used to call all drinks "pop" and i was so embarassed around other mommies...and Mickey used to drink chocolate milk in a sippy cup IN BED. So yeah, the guiolt police can bite me, or they can bring their organic magic over and babysit while I go to a hotel and sleep for 30 hours!

I have also "Driven around" for almost 3 hours in early pregnancy because I was too grossed out and tired to do anything else but have my kids buckled up into their containers-- i mean carseats! I got them slurpees or some such and went on a drive.

I love that comment that we are communal animals--- i know that none of this insane behavior would have to occur if we all had real networks.......
love you ALL!

CNH said...

Oh my gosh! I've done that same thing Joy! When I was still able to drive (months ago) I would get so hassled and crazy but not be able to DO anything....so I'd strap them in, stop at Wendys for some fantastically healthy nuggets and frostys and then drive for a couple hours around town. Hey, I live in Dallas, there are plenty of roads here! ;)

Stacey said...

How awesome Joy! I'm so happy for you :) On the tired/kids note...I have been known to drive around until the kid(s) fall asleep and then park in my mom's apartment complex or my own driveway with the van running and doors locked and sleep until the kids wake up :::hide::: I left it running, if I turn ther van off they wake up.....lol.

MereMortal said...

yay for your baby shower and baby moon plns! YAHOO!
i am anxiously awaiting the story of this birth journey. i cannot wait to see this new babe's face.
sending you wishes for strength and peace and resilience.
xoxo

I am a Monkey's Mama said...

Where'd ya go?? Hoping you are ok!

mommasara said...

i just found your blog, and the symptoms you listed in the previous entry are all ones I had with my last baby, until I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes-when I started the diet and insulin I was fine, so i was just wondering if you had been tested for that. My feet had really bad circulation, too.