Saturday, May 31, 2008

ok seriously...


My hands are too swollen to type

My bones are too seperated to sit at the computer anymore

My feet are too swollen for stepping on

I cant breathe

I have contractions all day

I think if I were a guy I would have taken myself to the E.R. thinking I was having a heart attack

I think if this were my first baby I would have taken myself to the E.R. thinking this must surely be labor.

So anyways, I am huge and miserable and have nothing to say. By the looks of me this baby will be about 17 pounds. Maybe I will be on the news!

By the sensations I have inside of me, this baby will be born with stilletto heels on and will be wielding a sword of some kind.

My blood pressure is fantastic, 119/75 and even though I only gained 22 pounds until last week, I gained SEVEN pounds in the past week. Its all water the doctor says and he said if I wasnt swollen he would be concerned. Very lovely except how the hell am I suppossed to live like this?

They are all rhetorical questions,
there is nothing anyone can do for me,
trying to enjoy this sacred time
meaning
to cry less and to shut my mouth when the mean words come close to coming out and to just be very still and very patient because I am SO HOT AND IN SO MUCH PAIN I AM SERIOUSLY GONNA FREAK OUT FOR R E A L I WANT TO SCREAM THIS IS SUCH SUCH BULLSHIT WHY AM I SO BAD AT BEING PREGNANT THIS IS NOT SUPPOSSED TO HURT THIS BAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, someday soon I will have the baby and the posts will be different.

11 comments:

Kelley said...

Man, Joy! You ARE having a hard time of it. I don't blame you for wanting to just be done. I do, too, and I don't even feel as awful as you do. If only we could fast-forward through these last few days and weeks. I wish I could help you in some way.

Stacey said...

Joy, I love the pic, you are beautiful. That baby will be just as beautiful, with her stilletos and sword ;)I',m sorry it is such a hard road right now. But it will soon be in the past. Hang in there, Mama!

CNH said...

Oh honey.

I. know. just. how. you. feel.

It WILL be over soon, although I posted an entry at about 18 days out that sounded very similar and at that point, 18 days seemed like more than an eternity.

And now it's 2am and I'm up with a baby who says "No, I do not think you should have had that last caffeinated drink, Mama". @@

Judit said...

Joy, if it's any consolation whatsoever, you don't look miserable at all -- you look awesome!!! Beautiful, radiant (and even happy -- how did you do that?) Okay, I don't blame you if that doesn't make up for all the suffering... but I just had to say so. :) Thanks for posting the picture.

Kelley said...

Joy, I've been having trouble with swelling, too. My midwife suggested that I eat watermelon because it is a natural diuretic. I've eaten 2 1/2 already, and it seems to be helping. Maybe it'll help you, too.

Vanessa said...

what in inspiration you have been to me. There are some people who have the gift of expression through writing....you are certainly one of them.

Thankyou for posting that pic. of youself if must of taken guts. I too and having my fifth (all have been home births) and I too get amazingly huge although I gain at least 80 lbs. Remember it does come off and you look beautifully pregnant and healthy.

Corin said...

You look beautiful Joy!

Nicole D said...

I'm sorry this is such suckiness for you! I understand.

OTOH, you are BEAUTIFUL with that glorious belly!

I am a Monkey's Mama said...

You look full of live, Mama. I can't wait to hear about the triumphant, in the face of all who said "neigh", misery releasing birth you have coming up!

Angi said...

You look adorable :)

gwnio said...

I know you're feeling awful but you look so beautiful and amazing!