This Mama is so awesome for telling a true and real story and I wanted to link it to y'all.
i am currently the MEANEST MAMA in the world, and the people in my "homeschool group", the ones who i thought might understand, seem to be looking at me with that look lately, too. I could of course be insane and paranoid, but it seems awfully bad timing that what used to pass as Joy Is Funny is now leaning a bit towards the Joy Is Evil side of things? Dont these freaks remember being pregnant and having little ones around and trying to do something as simple and as stupid as show up to the park and how much it sucks??? I am blacking out, contracting, spinning with nausea and extreme thirst, sweating attack, heart palpitations, and deep deep confusion---is it really that rare? And this is me just getting around to the back of the van to open up the trunk and brace for the stroller to fall on my belly or shins....let alone getting all out of the vehicle, asking my poor little spoiled darlings to please carry their own WATER CUPS, running away from me like a bunch of deaf brats, (Sorry! Sorry! Angels I meant!) and I am standing there with the 44 pound baby, the rickety stroller, 4 water cups, bag o snacks, my diaper bag, the keys....and if I yell at them to COMEBACK HERE I am "mean"???? What about they are bad??? What about I dont wanna go to the f#$% PARK, because it doesnt have an ice machine, a body pillow, a bathroom, shade, fencing, or for that matter, my bed?
I am so pissed off. It makes me want to just stay home, curtains drawn. But I know that that is bad and that i am supposed to keep on boppin, and ignore all of the people who judge me for being so cross. I have fantasies that people try to step into my shoes for 10 minutes while i stare at them with pity and judgement. I dont want pity, but maybe just someone to crack up laughing with me.
2 moms did help me alot at the park this week. They put Casey in and out of the baby swings (he is 4 but LOVES them) and one mom even walked waaaaaaaaaaay far to the bathroom to see if it was open for me so i didnt have to. It was but it was too far so i just didnt go. I may have died if i had to walk that far.
Basically it is bullshit to be this pregnant and to be expected to just keep on bopping along. I have to go to a birthday party tomorrow and my husband is not able to come and i know what the drill is gonna be. If I dont be-bop, my kids will run away and drown, so i will have to completely be in hot contracting hell. If I pant or sit or look like i am dying, there will be the guaranteed "Well, she shouldnt have gotten pregnant". "Maybe she shoulda thoughta that". "Those poor kids" etc
I want to fly around the town, just bringing cold icey drinks to pregnant women and chasing their kids for them so they can lie on their left side and eat their burritos. I feel so strongly about this, and I am going to do it. What goes around comes around and I bet they will remember it and pass it on to their friends, too, you know?
Well, typing this made my feet turn navy blue so i had better go lay down again while Charlie rubs playdoh into the windowsill. He has been doing this all day while Casey "washes money" in the bathroom sink and somehow it always involves toothpaste and I am really one of those moms now whose kids just do rogue bizarre things and I dont stop them. damn damn damn. I wish I was unschooly enough to think it was all so precious and wonderful but it isnt --it is chaos and it sucks. Right? Who even knows anymore.