Saturday, May 17, 2008

Come buy tickets to stare at the screaming swollen blimp lady!

This Mama is so awesome for telling a true and real story and I wanted to link it to y'all.

i am currently the MEANEST MAMA in the world, and the people in my "homeschool group", the ones who i thought might understand, seem to be looking at me with that look lately, too. I could of course be insane and paranoid, but it seems awfully bad timing that what used to pass as Joy Is Funny is now leaning a bit towards the Joy Is Evil side of things? Dont these freaks remember being pregnant and having little ones around and trying to do something as simple and as stupid as show up to the park and how much it sucks??? I am blacking out, contracting, spinning with nausea and extreme thirst, sweating attack, heart palpitations, and deep deep confusion---is it really that rare? And this is me just getting around to the back of the van to open up the trunk and brace for the stroller to fall on my belly or shins....let alone getting all out of the vehicle, asking my poor little spoiled darlings to please carry their own WATER CUPS, running away from me like a bunch of deaf brats, (Sorry! Sorry! Angels I meant!) and I am standing there with the 44 pound baby, the rickety stroller, 4 water cups, bag o snacks, my diaper bag, the keys....and if I yell at them to COMEBACK HERE I am "mean"???? What about they are bad??? What about I dont wanna go to the f#$% PARK, because it doesnt have an ice machine, a body pillow, a bathroom, shade, fencing, or for that matter, my bed?

I am so pissed off. It makes me want to just stay home, curtains drawn. But I know that that is bad and that i am supposed to keep on boppin, and ignore all of the people who judge me for being so cross. I have fantasies that people try to step into my shoes for 10 minutes while i stare at them with pity and judgement. I dont want pity, but maybe just someone to crack up laughing with me.

2 moms did help me alot at the park this week. They put Casey in and out of the baby swings (he is 4 but LOVES them) and one mom even walked waaaaaaaaaaay far to the bathroom to see if it was open for me so i didnt have to. It was but it was too far so i just didnt go. I may have died if i had to walk that far.

Basically it is bullshit to be this pregnant and to be expected to just keep on bopping along. I have to go to a birthday party tomorrow and my husband is not able to come and i know what the drill is gonna be. If I dont be-bop, my kids will run away and drown, so i will have to completely be in hot contracting hell. If I pant or sit or look like i am dying, there will be the guaranteed "Well, she shouldnt have gotten pregnant". "Maybe she shoulda thoughta that". "Those poor kids" etc

I want to fly around the town, just bringing cold icey drinks to pregnant women and chasing their kids for them so they can lie on their left side and eat their burritos. I feel so strongly about this, and I am going to do it. What goes around comes around and I bet they will remember it and pass it on to their friends, too, you know?

Well, typing this made my feet turn navy blue so i had better go lay down again while Charlie rubs playdoh into the windowsill. He has been doing this all day while Casey "washes money" in the bathroom sink and somehow it always involves toothpaste and I am really one of those moms now whose kids just do rogue bizarre things and I dont stop them. damn damn damn. I wish I was unschooly enough to think it was all so precious and wonderful but it isnt --it is chaos and it sucks. Right? Who even knows anymore.


CNH said...

You know, I still haven't gotten my burrito! I need to remedy that...oh wait. That would involve driving. Which I can no longer do because my belly is too big (8 pounders by now) and my legs won't come together any more. There is nothing quite like waiting on multiples to finish MAKING THEMSELVES already and COME OUT.

We're doing a lot of watching TV (cringe) and sitting in the house all day. A. Lot. I don't see that ending much as I hook up two hoovers to my boobies, do you?

There is a reason I decided to send them away to school in the fall this year....

Kelley said...

Oh, Joy, I am so there with you. Arggh! This nine-months (almost) pregnant thing sucks big-time. My feet, too, are starting to swell up like balloons, my ribs hurt terribly, and my kids are bouncing off the walls! Can't they see that Mom is in no position to do what they want me to do? Oh, the disobedience and tantrums and... all of it! Can't we just fast-forward through the next 4+ weeks, and be done with it? I really wish pregnancy was one of those things you could hurry.

I am so there with you. Good luck!

Kelley said...

Oh, and by the way, there is a good possibility that Josh may be headed back to school next year.

Jill said...

Damn skippy-do. I'm sick of the sweetness-and-light bullshit that we're expected to cop 24/7 as parents. When my KID starts acting sweetness-and-light 24/7, I will be more than happy to respond in kind. Oh, but he's got so many needs and wants and you can't expect him to be perfect...well then DON'T EXPECT IT FROM ME EITHER.

Damn, that turned into a rant of its own, my bad. I'm actually hoping I can get through these next 12 weeks or so with at least a little grace. It will be a lot easier for me than for you. Not too much longer now....

Judit said...

Okay, this is a bit off topic, in the name of complete sympathy of you plight. About discipline or lack thereof, and childraising methods... call *me* paranoid too but back in the days when large families like yours were the norm, if I recall correctly (LOL) mothers used to be an authority figure whom everyone expected to command respect, no? For a darn good reason. You bet they hollered, yes ma'am. I swear I sometimes wonder if this whole child centered parenting and mandatory sweetness of mothers is just a foofy frill for leisure class mamas invented by editors of glossy women's magazines??? Sorry for the digression.

Joy said...

Judit you rock. Oh boy have I hestated to touch this subject yet but someday on my Homeschool blog I am gonna go OFF. I have alot to say on this subject but have felt very hesitant because I did not want any of my real life friends to think I was referring to them or their kids, when truly I am referring to my personal beliefs and experiences with children as well as my research and my studies in college and my lifetime of babysitting, daycare work and nursery school work.

I thinj--no--I *know* that this is why being "disabled" right now is getting me so upset. Because I need to get my kids back in line and I cant and it is freaking me out. I dont want to go into a postpartum tailspin of "brats" but it feels like the family scene is deteriorating right now and I am trying to just realize that there is no other option really and that this happened before, etc.
But I hear ya, and I agree, and I have seen the older offspring of this "afraid to train their children" lifestyle and it ain't pretty.
Its all a misinterpretation or perhaps a fear-based lack of boundaries that I believes stems from the parent's own childhod issues. Its very well inentioned but soon little Johnny runs the house and everyone resents it but doesnt know what to do.
PROMISE ill have more to come on this by fall : )

Joy said...

It feels like all we do is watch TV and play the Wii. They make signs and charts and read and do stuff online, too...Sometimes the kids go outside and screech and fight and bring out good blankets and popsicles and it never gets brought back in and I dont care. Well I do but I just cant freak out or else I get way too scary and then thats bad, too.
Today they are being really good and made a fort and are playing. I lay on my bed and try to de-swell.

CNH said...

I'm doing too much screaming these days too! LOL

About the boundaries, I think where people have gotten messed up is that they think spanking is the only form of firm discipline. I very rarely spank my children but ask anyone I know and they will tell you I have strict boundaries with my children. That I am better able to enforce when NOT huge and swollen with children ;) I think that's what's making me most crazy as well. Last night Noah REFUSED to go to bed. I was overly frustrated and over-reacted because I CANT MAKE HIM. So where does that leave me? Yelling ineffectively at a 3 year old. Spanking, which doesn't even work most of the time. Or picking his 35 pound butt up and hauling him to bed. I chose door number 3 and then paid for it with a MONSTER contraction that nearly brought me to my knees and did bring me near tears.

This is why humans are COMMUNAL animals.