Ok, I know that I ramble and that i do not rough draft or spell check so here is to clarify:
Nobody has recommended me to any psychiatrist. I have seen no doctor. I was just worrying that if I shed a tear at my 6 week check up that they might flip out because everytime i cried in the hospital they flipped out. (I havent posted my whole hospital story yet but there are some anecdotes to share sometime soon! Overall lovely hospital, but still of course I have a pocketful of kooky tales that will amuse)
I have no problem with post partum depression and have nothing against thinking I could have it. I would and have taken antidepressants in my life. I have a degree in Psych and I did not mean to ever come accross insensitive or defensive/ignorant. Yes it is quite ironic that this disorder was ignored for so long and now every new Mom who has a little sniffle snuffle is depressed. I think this subject is still very open and has tons to do with society and how we raise our young alone(ish) etc...
I have body pains right now and they wont give me any more vicodin and i feel frustrated about things. I know I am nursing a baby and I know narcotics are "bad". I have a pet-theme and it is the ways that I feel men and women are treated differently and sometimes it is right and sometimes it is wrong and I wondered if some guy (me, in the metaphor) got his belly cut open, would they deny him medicine and give him that look if he got so pissed off that he cried? But all of this is make believe, no one has done anything to me besides make it very clear that the Vicodins are almost bye-bye and I am bummed. More than bummed. I get why and yet, three weeks and I am some addict? No. I take 1 or 2 a day (none today!) and they help tremendously. I dont "need more and more", so I guess I thought I had major surgery, my 3rd section in 8 years, and they could just give a gal a break. I didnt know where to turn for advice on how to heal for real rather than just pop pain pills so I turned to you-all. I wrote hastily with one free hand and clicked publish post.
By the time I get to the blog, all my thoughts are pretty disjointed. I wrote in a conversational tone which can give people a great feeling like we are having a chat or can make me seem really really hard to understand and rather like a spazzing teenager. Que Sera. Im trying.
Thank you all for the great suggestions. again, I have seen NO doctor, noone has told me anything live or on the phone. Only the receptionist on the telephone told me no more Vicodins after these is all. Steve is home today so I didnt take any. I got some direct sun for my Vitamin D and look forward to ordering the homeopathics--thank you all!
The scar massage sounds SO amazingly interesting--someday long down the line I could bear something like that and maybe have my belly back and not this wierd tight pooch thingy that the surgery caused. Cool cool cool.
I take full responsibility for making no sense last post to many of you---but again, no stigma or fear against PPD, just wondering if and when and what to do with someone who might be actually holding up pretty well mentally but just has a boatload of body pains. I did read what you wrote about pain being exacerbated by being depressed, but must wonder why one pill that is not-the-best for nursing women (Prozac, etc) is so much more "acceptable" than another (Vicodin). I guess I am coming to this because when I am out of pain I have been active, cheerful, taking pictures, making crafts with the kids, meeting new neighbors (we moved a month ago) reading, playing in the baby pool (with my feet) etc. I dont FEEL bleak, dull, numb, vacant, hopeless, I just feel like.....well I already told you all.
Please keep the suggestions coming, Steve says he will get or order me anything i need,