Saturday, July 5, 2008

clarifying...

Ok, I know that I ramble and that i do not rough draft or spell check so here is to clarify:

Nobody has recommended me to any psychiatrist. I have seen no doctor. I was just worrying that if I shed a tear at my 6 week check up that they might flip out because everytime i cried in the hospital they flipped out. (I havent posted my whole hospital story yet but there are some anecdotes to share sometime soon! Overall lovely hospital, but still of course I have a pocketful of kooky tales that will amuse)

I have no problem with post partum depression and have nothing against thinking I could have it. I would and have taken antidepressants in my life. I have a degree in Psych and I did not mean to ever come accross insensitive or defensive/ignorant. Yes it is quite ironic that this disorder was ignored for so long and now every new Mom who has a little sniffle snuffle is depressed. I think this subject is still very open and has tons to do with society and how we raise our young alone(ish) etc...

I have body pains right now and they wont give me any more vicodin and i feel frustrated about things. I know I am nursing a baby and I know narcotics are "bad". I have a pet-theme and it is the ways that I feel men and women are treated differently and sometimes it is right and sometimes it is wrong and I wondered if some guy (me, in the metaphor) got his belly cut open, would they deny him medicine and give him that look if he got so pissed off that he cried? But all of this is make believe, no one has done anything to me besides make it very clear that the Vicodins are almost bye-bye and I am bummed. More than bummed. I get why and yet, three weeks and I am some addict? No. I take 1 or 2 a day (none today!) and they help tremendously. I dont "need more and more", so I guess I thought I had major surgery, my 3rd section in 8 years, and they could just give a gal a break. I didnt know where to turn for advice on how to heal for real rather than just pop pain pills so I turned to you-all. I wrote hastily with one free hand and clicked publish post.

By the time I get to the blog, all my thoughts are pretty disjointed. I wrote in a conversational tone which can give people a great feeling like we are having a chat or can make me seem really really hard to understand and rather like a spazzing teenager. Que Sera. Im trying.

Thank you all for the great suggestions. again, I have seen NO doctor, noone has told me anything live or on the phone. Only the receptionist on the telephone told me no more Vicodins after these is all. Steve is home today so I didnt take any. I got some direct sun for my Vitamin D and look forward to ordering the homeopathics--thank you all!

The scar massage sounds SO amazingly interesting--someday long down the line I could bear something like that and maybe have my belly back and not this wierd tight pooch thingy that the surgery caused. Cool cool cool.

I take full responsibility for making no sense last post to many of you---but again, no stigma or fear against PPD, just wondering if and when and what to do with someone who might be actually holding up pretty well mentally but just has a boatload of body pains. I did read what you wrote about pain being exacerbated by being depressed, but must wonder why one pill that is not-the-best for nursing women (Prozac, etc) is so much more "acceptable" than another (Vicodin). I guess I am coming to this because when I am out of pain I have been active, cheerful, taking pictures, making crafts with the kids, meeting new neighbors (we moved a month ago) reading, playing in the baby pool (with my feet) etc. I dont FEEL bleak, dull, numb, vacant, hopeless, I just feel like.....well I already told you all.

Please keep the suggestions coming, Steve says he will get or order me anything i need,
thanks again!!!!!!!

7 comments:

Angi said...

Hey there, I guess I meant it the other way around- that pain can trigger depression or make it worse. I don't know why an anti-depressant would be different than a pain killer, but I do know that there are certain psychotropics that doctors prescribe to nursing moms.

In your clarification you sound like you're saying you feel pretty good emotionally though so obviously don't take anything unneccessarily. I certainly didn't mean to sound pushy, or to say that you were creating a stigma around PPD. I hope your doctor will help you find what will work the best. Hopefully it will get better with every day.

I love the yoga suggestion. Yoga is so good for circulation and relaxation.

Kneelingwoman said...

Well....you know that I don't think Prozacnation is anyway to treat a postpartum woman; I think PPD has more to do with things you've already hinted at ( and we've discussed before ) that society does NOT give appropriate ( or even close to it ) support and help to mothers and babies and I am personally of the opinion that much postpartum "woe" of all kinds is greatly reduced with more concrete, hands on "help". For whatever it's worth Joy; I don't think you sounded "anything" but like you were frustrated, in pain and needing help. I'm sure that's how you sounded to everyone; I don't think anyone read anything more into it than that. I know that some people are skeptical about homeopathy ( and I used to be too ) but I really did find the regime helpful. I started "late" with it when I had Mary and felt some improvement quite quickly. With Samuel; I began immediately, in the hospital and it was night and day; good thing too because I was back and forth to the NICU with him for 8 weeks and without something feeling better; I don't think I could have done it so, I do think it's worth a try. Good luck.

Kelley said...

Joy, I sent you an email asking when I can call you. I need to talk to you.

You sound much better in this post. I was worried after the last one. You have a wonderful way of writing that makes me feel like I'm crawling into your head and listening to you talk.

I don't blame you at all for being super frustrated about not being able to get the pain relief you need and want. I wanted to comment on the last post, but I felt so helpless at not being able to give some concrete advice. Please know that I read EVERYTHING you write, often several times. Sometimes, though, I just don't know what to say afterward that won't sound inept and dumb. I'm still here for you.

Angi said...

Hey there again-I definitely think a lot of post partum problems would be helped so much by a society more ready to nurture a new mom and baby. I don't mean to suggest that you need prozac. I just know from my own experience (had ppd with number 2 and 3 then went on Zoloft through pregnancy and first year of 4th baby) that if you do have PPD-which apparently tends to get worse with subsequent pregnancies, the mdeications make a world of difference. I didn't feel drugged, I just felt like myself again. (Maybe that's the difference between zoloft and prozac I don't know-again not suggesting that anyone take it) Anyway, I'm so glad you have support from people like kneeling woman who know you and know what help you need. Kell-I totally understand what you mean about feeling like you're going to look stupid and inept (LOL) But I'm sure you would have great advice :)

Housefairy said...

I am willing to try anything, I said it and I meant it. I dont know about Zoloft but would like to hear more-- seriously I will mention all possibilities to the doc and I am glad to hear that there is something safe for nursing/pregnant moms. Kelley you could never sound dumb, none of you do, all advice is so welcome and useful, I have so many cool avenues to persue now, and there is a yoga studio just a couple of blocks from me and i am going to call them about mama-baby classes, LOVE the idea of not being with flexy-20 year olds but lumpy tired moms LOL

Judit said...

Joy, I've been off line all weekend so I just read this and the prev post. Nothing new to add except to say that I acknowlegde your pain and I'm so sorry; the PPD issue does seem tricky, on your personal as well as the larger societal level. You, as all women and mothers deserve to be listened to, but the maturity which entitles us to be taken seriously also comes with the imperative to ask for and accept all the help we need. The solution to medicate isn't the whole answer, I also think that most of all you need a good and fair chance to heal (including the time and quiet space to implement all these wonderful ideas!) I hope you'll take up Kneelingwoman's offer of herself and her daughter and milk it for all its worth! Best to you, this all sounds incredibly challenging! And I'll add here that the new pictures are simply adorable :-)

Amber said...

just read your other post, i dunno, totally made sense to me. you're very clearly in physical pain, i didn't get any kind of serious mental instability vibes from that at all. anyway, i've never had a section (or a baby for that matter) or any other kind of surgery so i don't think i can help, but just wanted to throw some support your way. oh, have you thought about aromatherapy (lavender, sandlewood, or something else calming), just to help with the craziness.