Many times a week, it seems, I will get the notion that whatever it is that I do or enjoy could be done or enjoyed more---officially? Professionally? Expertly? Like, if I enjoy writing, wouldnt I like to take an online writing course? if I enjoy making little treats for the children, wouldnt I like to buy a magazine with perfectly color coordinated kitty kat face cupcakes on the cover? If I enjoy drawing and doodling, wouldnt I be so much happier if I "really learned how to draw?" If I like to cut and color my and my friends' hair, wouldnt it all be so much better if I went to beauty school? Is this capitalism at its most insidious, or opportunity knocking?
And sometimes i will follow up on these ideas, and thats when it all goes bad for me. The activity I so enjoyed, and so innocently felt great about suddenly gets replaced with doubt, worry, anxiety, stress over costs, and then the entire enjoyed activity can get so lost and trampled in the process that it can be in danger of being lost--either for a while or forever! What is this about? A big part of me LOVES the idea of being a borderline-smug DIY-er who is just happy as a little clam to paint chairs polka dots (with the wrong kind of paint, no doubt!) To make and create beautiful songs on the guitar without knowing a single name of a single chord, to be able to create fruit salads and rainbow soups without a recipe or even an ability to tell anyone else how to make it themselves, to piece together curtains and hairdos and outfits, breaking all the rules, or maybe accidentally stumbling upon some of them---
But heres the thing, and this is where I get a little confused--I am NOT trying to be eclectic for eclectics' sake. I am not trying to be funky coo-coo bird just to do so. I would love to take some of my skills to the next level, but some I dont want to, and even the thought of it makes me weary and annoyed. I am lucky (understatement) to live in the self published world of Blogger and Etsy and all of it, but what do I do about homeschool? Is it okay to really just do what we want?
Heres my example:
We will be cruising along with homeschooling, piecing together our fine and worldly and well rounded "curriculum" of workbooks and real books and trips and tales and tv and games and films and art and nature study and then someone will send out some links to some cutesy teaching website and I get totally freaked out. Should I click on 123Learn or ABCTeach or ElementaryFun or whatever? I would have thought I had died and gone to heaven if this stuff was available back when Greta was about 5 years old but now....I dunno. I dont like to be closed minded or staunch, but in my heart, I dont want to bother with that stuff. I have done it before, gotten all hyped up and printed out a gazillion little things and even paid a little money for subscriptions to little fun-n-games math type things, but....it just feels weird. but I dont want them to miss out on something that might be really cool! the internet is too big, I say.
I wonder what to make of this phenomenon, I am trying to *listen* to what it means; do I step all the way into living by my heart, or do I open my heart to new things? Or is joy's artsy stuff and the kids' education 2 different things altogether?