For those of you who saw the Business of Being Born, and were of the mindset that Abby's birth "ruined the film", lets re-discuss, shall we?
Firstly, I will be completely honest and say that I was one of those very people, so I am no stranger to the idea. I too (temporarily, last fall) thought that "the lovely pretty homebirth film ended with a yucky depressing c section" and even joined on the bandwagon of snipey snipe comments like noticing that the baby at the 8 month follow up was drinking from a bottle! See! Bad Mommy! C Sections make you not breastfeed! Yeah! Yeah! (so, so pathetic)
Look, this woman had a 3 pound, preterm, breech baby, and neither her midwife nor her were of the mindset that this was something they would handle at home, and so they transferred. For every person who wanted to leave this out of the film, what the hell are you actually saying--that we just leave out real life? Just leave it out. Pretend it didn't exist. It made you feel yucky? It blew the little dream that all babies are born perfect if only we believe? Maybe she bought wrong fairy dust, perhaps? Didn;t buy the right Pier One cushions for her meditations? Didn't pick up a Birth Works t shirt? What exactly is going on here?
"Just Leave It Out". Well, its easy enough to do with film, but she is real. I am real. You know someone who is real. Whose birth didn't pulse with golden light. Whose baby was extremely small or extremely large or malpositioned, or a thousand other things didn't go right for the homebirth dreams. But guess what, folks, you cant just leave her out, because she is a mother just like you. There is no copy-paste-delete-rewind in life, (and this crap is what Dr Amy FEEDS on, by the way) You cant just leave her out because she isn't just a digital blip, she is a real life mother, a person, with a baby!
(As far as bottle feeding, for gods sake, we don't know what any of those other women did or didn't do as far as feeding their babies because only Abby had the 8 month check-in on film)
I saw the movie this weekend, first time since November, it is out on DVD, with my midwife, KneelingWoman, and I really felt differently about it. I felt and feel ashamed at the things I thought and said when I first saw it. I guess I got caught up in the "sisterhood" of HomeBirth ONLY--but how sad, that I, someone who has been through so much when it comes to birth, could get swept up in that stuff so easily! The power of group mentality....it can be good and bad, for sure.
I hope Abby is doing well, no matter how that birth was "handled" on film, she is a woman like you and I, who got pregnant, had dreams, and it didn't go as planned. If you have lived this long and never had plans change, never had disappointment, never felt rejection and failure, then maybe only time will allow you the maturity and understanding needed to be a compassionate adult. I have been there. I have been ignored. I have been forgotten. I have experienced exactly what it is to have people avoid you, avoid calling you, avoid dropping in on you, kick you out of their club, their internet group, the Cool Clique, because your current pain kinda clashes with their happy plans that day. It SUCKS, and it takes a long, long time to heal from.
Don't turn away from your friends who have something like this going on. Don't wish Abby's birth wasn't in the film. Ricki left it in there not because she "had to", but because it showed reality, and it showed that yeah, sometimes you gotta transport. Cara her midwife, and Abby herself both knew they had to, and they did. It doesnt matter whether any of us think that the baby "could have made it" at home. It doesnt matter. A documentary was made, and it followed the journeys of several expectant women. The end.