Please read this and then please read this if you want to know a bit more about what has suddenly come back to me, literally, overnight.
I had it with the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th pregnancies, (quite rare with first pregnancies) and somehow since this pregnancy has been so relatively lovely, I thought maybe just maybe I would escape it, but no.
Now I am trying to be very calm and not feel sorry for myself or have panic attacks. (I got most of that out Friday night, crying for about 2 hours, getting really out of control and terrified about being immobile/hurt and in charge of 4 children...lots of old c-section recovery stuff came up for me, I was basically inconsolable, crying so hard, shaking, etc. Poor husband thought I was in that much pain which it wasnt about that at all, just the fears and the memories and the frustration)
But so, moving on. the spring we so awaited, the housecleaning and the shopping and the parks parks parks zoo and swimming all look lik they are not going to happen now, at least not like I envisioned and promised to the children all these cold months. So here is what I can do right now:
I can lay on my side on the couch with pillows behind my back, between my knees and a heating pad on my bones.
I can stand up for a while and walk slowly around.
Here is what I can't do right now:
Sit in a chair (really think about that one for a while)
Step up and down steps
Step into pants/undies/out of tub
Bend over too far
Put weight on just one leg
Get out of bed
Stand or walk for more than 5 minutes, maybe 10.
i am sad and scared. We have a field trip tomorrow with our scout group (sitting in car, putting kids in carseats, putting stroller in car, getting all out, helping with 4 crafts, standing bending walking lifting, driving itself, getting myself in/out of car, coming home and preparing meals, changing diapers, saving tots from peril) then I am scheduled to work from 6 to midnight on one of the most special and anticipated events at my job, the Mixed Nationals-slash-St. Patty's day party. Ummmm again, how? Just driving there is gonna hurt, then what about the 6 hours of standing, sitting on high hard barstool, and the umpteen cans of pop and beer and water I have to lean down to the almost floor level fridge to get out--and then oh yeah --stock the bar...that includes carrying 32 packs of pop cans and water bottles and then loading the low low fridge. I literally do not know what to do.
I cannot bring myself to say "Pubic" to anyone outloud, let alone some old men at work. i might go with "tailbone" or "hips" or something. I think I can stick it out until about 8 or 9 pm but then I might really have to leave. Damn damn damn. Maybe the old "I hurt my back" will go over better. @#$%^&*
Tuesday is boy scouts, Wednesday is babysitting 2 extra kids and then work again that night, Thursday is Girl scouts and homeschool gym class....
I dont know. I dont know what to do or what to say, really. I just remember being razzed/pushed/teased/questioned during the summer and fall of my pregnancy with Charlie to the tune of "ARENCHA GLAD ITS NICE OUT?? AT LEAST ITS FINALLY NICE OUT! NOW YOU CAN PLAY OUTSIDE! NOW YOU CAN SWIM! NOW YOU CAN GO TO THE WATERPARK! WHY DONT YOU GO OUT IN THE BACKYARD AT LEAST? WHY ARENT YOU GUYS OUT ENJOYIN THIS BEAUTIFUL WEATHER? WILL YOU BE AT OUR BARBECUE?? "
Well, gee, lets see. Is there somewhere for me to lie on my side with 4 pillows between my legs at those events, or is there a hard metal chair or wooden bench that I cant get in or out of without paying the price for hours afterwards?
And I laid on the couch, and the kids played GameCube and we ran the air conditioner and we pined for Daddy all day all week.
So I am sad and bummed, but trying to think about moms with quintuplets or people who got in car crashes today or something. We were this close to buying a Zoo membership yesterday. good thing we didnt.