We had a much betetr day with little Casey yesterday. We basically got out of here by 9:30 am and walked across the street to our beautiful park and stayed there until 4pm. It was out of desperation at first, as I was just completley feeling dead done defeated from the throwing pillows, throwing bowls, jumping off the counters, slamming doors, ringing the doorbells---like I was some victim of a mental tortur eexperiment--stop honey! stop! stop!....just insane insane chaos. I grab the baby and take the 3 littlest across the street. The grass was still wet and so were my eyes, thinking I cannot believe Greta's birthday is going to be me crying in a park....but by 10 am the sun was warm and the boys who were literally killing each other at home were digging in the sand, side by side, having a decent little conversation.
Eska wants to toddle all around and so I follow her. she eats less woodchips and cig butts than even a few weeks ago, and actually goes does slides by herself! She is quite brave. Greta and Mickey came over and we had a nice day. I met a mom who told me some pretty crappy stuff about the local public school I have been wanting to send Casey to, and it gave me a scary reality check. I want to send him and maybe Charlie to this very small private daycare up my street, they take ages 6 months to 6 years. It is just about playing and having a nice time, not agendas and curriculum standards and shoving kids into stupid milestones just to get funding for the new ceiling tiles or whatnot. But we dont have the money. any money. I dare not discuss on here how dire it is right now, but certainly its scary/depressing/bad in and of itself.
I will just take each day as it comes, and try so hard to...just live at a park if thats what it takes until....until....I dont know?