Wednesday (still not wise but wishing)

My wish list right now:

• Wellbutrin and Xanax so I can be stable and kind and patient.
• Cloth diapers so my babies can be in softness so the Earth can be free of our nasty diapers so we can save money and so I can feel nice about things and so Charlie will try the potty! (I am convinced this super sta-dri stuff makes them not give a damn)
• the parenting tools to help my little Casey and Charlie without yelling when they get so wound up I think they might spin right out the front door in a whirlwind of broken glass
• a place for them to go a few mornings a week
• bicycles for Greta and Mickey, a bike for me with a baby trailer and helmets all 'round.
• a little swimming pool
• reconnection with Greta and Mickey before its too late
• enough money to have basic needs met. like pay the rent, the utilities and have food. Yes its that bad right now.
• some kind of way back to the parenting and mothering I used to be all about--minus the regret and guilt and sadness, please. (I cant even look at the Charlotte Mason books on the shelf without searing choking tears and shutting throat and heart palpitations--can there be PTSD for failed homeschool dreamers?)
• a miracle cure for my mom who is dying and help for my grandmother who is being abused and neglected and robbed