Sunday, June 7, 2009

I have postpartum depression. Surprise! haha

I am going to a group meeting every Monday night now and trying to expedite my way to the moment when I am taking some actual pills. I dont have weeks to wait for appointments and referrals I just want some Wellbutrin. I took it before and it really helped. no side effects except dry mouth and that made me drink some more water which is good! And vivid dreams, but i found them exhilarating and worthy of remembering.

Things around the family are very bad, and we have 3 birthdays this week and we had one last week. No money for any gifts, but will get some cake mixes from the store and promise little parties soon soon soon. I think around November last year they realized they wernt getting bday parties.

In the meantime, its omega fish oil and vitamin D pills. Lots of sleep, trying to stay away from the home (where kids fight all day) and just be quiet when i feel like I am going to say mean things. As an extrovert (who gets her energy re-charged by being with others) this deep desire to be alone, work at a tollbooth, be a long distance trucker, run away to Walden is a bit ( a ton) scary for me and certainly impossible with 5 kids.

Angel baby is just too adorable for words, too hilarious to ever capture, walking like an 18 month old, and just hope and pray she doesnt turn mean hateful or damaged by this kind of mother.

Me and Greta decided to not do a single "hair-do" to her until she turned one year old, so this Thursday she will get a barrette in her darling little bangs. Unlike alot of moms of girls, (myself included with baby Greta) I do NOT adore her long hair in the back it looks like a mullet and we might have it cut straight across to start a little bob.

Daddy turned 35 on the 4th, Greta turns 12 on the 9th, Eskarina turns 1 on the 11th, Mickey turns 9 on the 13th! Gemini overload! But I love Geminis : )

Might not be blogging too much but I will try...


Anonymous said...

I hope you are on the path to recovery and feeling strong soon. It's good to hear you have found a good group to share with.

The one year mark can be so difficult with PPD. The anniversary of so many feelings and emotions.

Kelley said...

I'm glad you're starting to get the help you need. I know this year, actually two years, has been extremely hard for you.

This one year mark has brought back so many emotions, both happy and sad. I can't believe it got here so quickly. How did an entire year pass by so fast? And yet, I'm sincerely glad it did.

Judit said...

Hi Joy, shoot, long time no read. Good for you for taking care of self and brain! I'm just starting out on antidepressants myself... we'll compare notes, okay? well yeah, for me it's not postpartum (but who's to tell, though, when postpartum ends and raising kids against too many odds begins, huh?) Therapy is good, and actual pills -- what took me so long. We've got to do what we've gotta do. No child of any age falls for fake cheerfulness. They deserve us moms to be genuinely happy. Oh and yeah, you too deserve to be genuinely happy on your own merits, dear!